I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
