I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
