thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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