Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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