I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
