I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
