I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
