I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Blood and glitter go together right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
