No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
