Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
