im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
