i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
