yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
