At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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