Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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