Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
