I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
