You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The air was thick with penises
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
