TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
