i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The air was thick with penises
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am available for nakedness
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
