the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
