I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
