I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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