I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
