My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
