i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
