Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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