i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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