guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
