I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
