Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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