So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
false alarm, still single
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize