I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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