I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I party with great urgency now.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize