I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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