Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
