I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
