Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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