Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
