I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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