Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
