so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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