wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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