that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
