All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Success! We fucked roommates!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize