yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
