He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
