I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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