I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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