Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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