I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
