You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
