Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
