i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
