Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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