and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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