My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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