Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
my liver is dry heaving
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
