So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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