i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
