theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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